Blog: The Negotiation Edge

I’m on the wrong side of customs in Australia, and my bags are still inside. I’m not interested in getting stranded or missing my connection, and I’m also not keen on wearing the same clothes for five days and brushing my teeth with the hotel-provided toothbrush.

Here’s how I got out of this jam: I’m here to sign up for the Stupid American of the Year Award.

But first: How did I get into this predicament to begin with?

This blog was originally published on 7/23/2018 and updated on 9/3/2020.

When you go into a negotiation that is likely to be combative, there are strategies you can adopt to overcome those points of contention.

Most of these strategies involve ignoring your natural inclinations to right the wrongs, explain the why, and promise to make sure your counterpart won’t have to experience the irritation ever again.

Keep reading to learn five strategies you can use to disarm the attack.

In a previous post, we outlined the important role mindset—the set of attitudes, beliefs, and assumptions that governs your behavior—plays in negotiation.

When you head into a negotiation expecting that there won’t be any issues, you’ll be knocked off balance when issues invariably rear their ugly head.

On the other hand, when you head into a negotiation expecting that there will be issues, you’ve come in with the proper mindset for navigating whatever obstacles arise with agility and dexterity.

Understanding the importance of mindset is one thing. Knowing how to develop your mindset before a negotiation is quite another. With that in mind, here are four steps that can help you get into the right frame of mind before you sit down at the table.

Your mindset affects everything in a negotiation. It governs how you act, how you speak, and how you react to what the other side says. That’s why it’s so important to have the right mindset whenever you sit down at the table.

If you go into a negotiation determined to make the communication about them, you’re going to crush it. If you go in with the mentality that you’re going to be happy no matter what, you won’t be depressed regardless of what happens.

Anytime there is a want or need, you are in a negotiation. Normally, we attribute more importance to the negotiations that we perceive will result in a bigger and better outcome. 

Consequently, we don’t put much emphasis on low-stakes negotiations. This is because, in these situations, we are typically getting the essentials of what we want out of the transaction without much effort. And with that, we sometimes deprive ourselves of a better outcome.

Nonverbal cues and body language play a crucial role in negotiations. For example, many of us nod our heads yes to show the other side we agree with what they’re saying, and we shake our heads no to get the other side to pause and reflect.

For many of us, thinking about body language stops here. But the more conscious you are about using body language as a tool in negotiations, the more effective your efforts will be.

Here’s one body language negotiation technique to try next time you find yourself at the table: Lean forward toward your counterpart and turn your head to show them that you are trying to listen more intently by facing your ear in their direction. 

In general if someone refers to something as being a black swan they’re referencing it as a completely unexpected or unpredictable but extremely high-impact event.

Similarly, according to the Black Swan Group, “Black Swans” are the small things that change everything and give you something better. They’re found in two places: the overlap and the unknown. Here’s how you can uncover them.

In an ideal world, closing deals would be easy. 

And with the right approach, it sometimes is.

Before sitting down at the table next time, take these five negotiation steps to increase the chances you get the outcomes you’re aiming for.

You’ve got a logjam. The other side has dug in. Your boss may want you to make this deal or maybe there’s something else motivating you to work it out. The thought of giving in leaves you with a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach.

What should you do in this scenario? It’s easy: Unleash a tactical empathy nuke—a “that’s right” summary. 

Labels are the best information-gathering device out there. Bar none. This is so true that Brandon Voss of The Black Swan Group has even designated a subset of labels known as asking labels.

Why are we traditionally taught to ask questions? Because it’s the easiest way to gather information, or so teachers say. 

The Black Swan Group actually defines negotiation as an information-gathering and influence-building process. The problem is that most of the time, truth questions are a lousy way to gather information.