Blog: The Negotiation Edge

This blog was originally published on 03/6/2017 and updated on 7/16/2020.

Negotiation is an information-gathering process. It’s not about getting your points across. It’s about using Tactical Empathy™ to uncover the information you need to understand exactly where your counterpart is coming from—and then making sure they know that you understand them.

The best negotiators never sit down at the table hoping to get the other side to understand them. Just like Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, suggests, “Seek to understand before being understood.” 

At its very best, yes is only an aspiration, a hope. But hope is not a strategy, and aspiration is not agreement. Here’s why.

When Never Split the Difference was first published, The Black Swan Group used to say, “Yes is nothing without how.” Since then, we’ve updated our approach. Now, we teach that yes is nothing, and how is everything.

We also taught that yes is the last thing you want to hear. That was never meant to be interpreted that it was the final utterance that would seal the deal. It was always meant in the context of, “What’s the last thing you want to hear from your teenage daughter?” Probably “I’m pregnant.” Or, “What’s the last thing you want to hear from your accountant?” Probably “You’re bankrupt.”

Does that mean you eventually hope to hear those things? 

“The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don’t know you’re in.” What hidden negotiations drain your time (your most valuable commodity) each and every day? 

When a woman sits down at the negotiating table, her counterpart may harbor a number of preconceived notions about her, sometimes consciously but frequently not. Though it certainly doesn’t feel fair because these stereotypes have nothing to do with you as the woman at the table, you will nevertheless need to guard against them to get the results she’s aiming for.

At the end of the day, people like doing business with people they like. 

This is why it’s so important to build rapport as quickly as you can whenever you sit down at the table. Once you’ve established rapport, you’re well on your way to the trust-based influence that is needed to achieve the outcomes you’re hoping for.

The first time I ever handled a hostage negotiation, the whole thing was over in five minutes. I thought that negotiation was easy and that I was a natural.

The Black Swan Group’s Negotiation 9™ (N9™) are the nine skills that make it easy to achieve Tactical Empathy™ (TE™) —the best way to accomplish trust-based influence, which should be your primary goal every time you step to the table. 

If we’ve learned one thing during COVID-19, it’s that it’s not that hard to maintain already-established relationships virtually. But what about establishing brand-new relationships in virtual environments? In short, it’s a much bigger challenge.

You enter a negotiation. What if there’s a Black Swan-trained ninja on the other side?

In such a scenario, you’re most likely dealing with one of three tactics:

1. How am I supposed to do that?
2. A No-oriented question™ 
3. Some sort of Label™ (that’s giving you a bad feeling)

This blog was originally published on 5/28/2018 and updated on 9/10/2020.

When you’re responding to a counterproposal, you need to make sure you don’t get sucked into a game of sequential moves. When such a game is played between evenly matched players and you go second, you can only tie or lose. 

Are you interested in playing a more complicated game of tic-tac-toe?

In the following post, we’ll walk you through three things to keep in mind when you’re responding to a counterproposal: