Blog: The Negotiation Edge

Your mindset affects everything in a negotiation. It governs how you act, how you speak, and how you react to what the other side says. That’s why it’s so important to have the right mindset whenever you sit down at the table.

If you go into a negotiation determined to make the communication about them, you’re going to crush it. If you go in with the mentality that you’re going to be happy no matter what, you won’t be depressed regardless of what happens.

Most people head into a negotiation figuring out what they need to compromise on. They do their best to try and determine what little material thing they need to give up in order to get what they want.

That approach is based on compromising your position—selling out in the moment to get some sort of short or long-term gain.

Contrary to what many people think, the fact of the matter is that you don’t have to give up much of anything to get what you want in a negotiation. And what you do have to give up is something intangible, which comes in the form of empathy.

This blog was originally published on 03/6/2017 and updated on 7/16/2020.

Negotiation is an information-gathering process. It’s not about getting your points across. It’s about using Tactical Empathy™ to uncover the information you need to understand exactly where your counterpart is coming from—and then making sure they know that you understand them.

The best negotiators never sit down at the table hoping to get the other side to understand them. Just like Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, suggests, “Seek to understand before being understood.” 

Maybe a parent is negotiating with their kid about whether they can use the car this weekend. Maybe you’re in a 10-year business partnership and have divergent ideas for the future. Or maybe you’re an adult who’s negotiating with your parents because you think they should consider a move into a senior living community.

How should you change your approach when you negotiate with someone you care about?

Whether your goal is closing more deals, enhancing personal relationships, or simply having better conversations, improving your communication and negotiation skills will help.

In an ideal world, you’d become familiar with all of the popular negotiation terms we teach at The Black Swan Group. But if time is of the essence, get started by sharpening these three skills first.

In order to improve your negotiation and communication skills, you need to decide to make the change in the first place. Being called upon to make the deals that no one else can make starts with changing the way you approach every negotiation.

When you’ve made the decision to consciously change your approach, follow this simple four-step plan of action to improve your negotiation skills and make the best deals possible.

In an ideal world, negotiation would be easy, tensions wouldn’t exist, and we’d all get along at the table just fine.

But reality paints a different picture, and crisis negotiations rear their ugly head sooner or later. Think about how many people have had to sit down at the table to figure out how to respond to the COVID-19 pandemic over the past several weeks.

Though crisis negotiations are inevitable, you can avoid making critical mistakes if you have the right approach. 

With that in mind, here are four common crisis negotiation mistakes—and what you can do to find the better way forward.

Nonverbal cues and body language play a crucial role in negotiations. For example, many of us nod our heads yes to show the other side we agree with what they’re saying, and we shake our heads no to get the other side to pause and reflect.

For many of us, thinking about body language stops here. But the more conscious you are about using body language as a tool in negotiations, the more effective your efforts will be.

Here’s one body language negotiation technique to try next time you find yourself at the table: Lean forward toward your counterpart and turn your head to show them that you are trying to listen more intently by facing your ear in their direction. 

There’s a fundamental mindset problem with trying to gain negotiation leverage: You’re trying to take advantage of the other side or the situation at hand to the detriment of your counterparts.

The reality is that the other side can feel it when you’re trying to leverage your position. It’s very apparent. No matter how slick you think you are, it’s no secret. The other side will always pick up on the fact that you’re trying to use leverage on them, and they won’t like it.

Do you really think people are going to be happy working with you knowing that you’re trying to take advantage of where they’re sitting?

In an ideal world, closing deals would be easy. 

And with the right approach, it sometimes is.

Before sitting down at the table next time, take these five negotiation steps to increase the chances you get the outcomes you’re aiming for.