At the Black Swan Group, our instructors have been spreading the gospel of empathy and the techniques used to demonstrate it for years. We have trained thousands of people all over the globe on how to apply techniques developed in the world of hostage negotiations to business and other personal interactions. Of those thousands, as an instructor, I wonder at times how many don’t get it?
To quote legendary extreme skier/BASE jumper, Shane McConkey “What I do on the hill is find an interesting way to do something fun.” Flow. Near perfect calm, precise perception and incredible decision making. Focus.
However you get into an interaction, whether you have had ample time to prepare or you have been thrown into the fires of Mount Doom, it is always good to have basic guidelines to abide by. Here are three we tend to lean on because of their influence on human nature reaction.
With questions? Surprisingly…no! Not with questions. At least, not with open-ended or questions that are meant to be answered with a “yes.” Your best tools are statements based on observations. Labels and cold reads. They extend thought processes, helping people open up the flow of what they are thinking and causing them to say it out loud. Is it crazy to think this would work for you and your...
A “like” is an expression of value appreciation or desire that the Black Swan Group refers to as a positive. A “dislike” is a lack of appreciation, aversion or reluctance, to or for something. It is what we refer to as a negative. The positive or negative emotion that the counterpart attaches to a term or a dynamic is a clue as to the valuation they have put on it. The recognition, articulation,...
Do try this at home. FBI Empathy = Revenue Is revenue boring? FBI empathy is the same as what we refer to as “tactical empathy” in our book “Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It.” What is it? It’s knowingly and intentionally influencing your counterpart’s emotions to make deals. It’s how you give your family a better life.
People always want to increase their odds of success. It's simply human nature to want to do everything you can to avoid failure. Here are 3 common communication mistakes that are hurting your deals.
What happens when you trigger “That’s right” several times in a salary negotiation? How about getting a salary offer 41% higher than you expected?
“I’m telling you now man, if y’all do anything foolish, these people are gonna get hurt,” Mike said after taking 12 people hostage during a botched robbery. Our being there meant that we wanted him to surrender peacefully. In other words, we wanted Mike to say, “Yes.” His utterance was an emphatic “No.”
Think of this as “You had me at ‘no’” meets “think like Elon Musk.” “Do you want the FBI to be embarrassed?” –effective pause – “What do you want me to do?” The above example is from our book “Never Split The Difference” where an FBI hostage negotiator – Marti Evelsizer – was negotiating with her (jealous) boss. He wanted to remove her from her position as head of the Pittsburgh FBI...